Sometimes, love can feel incredibly real. You meet someone, and the connection is undeniable. He tells you he loves you. He says his marriage is falling apart, and that his wife is giving him a hard time. He tells you he’s working on leaving her, and you believe it because it feels so genuine. You might even start planning a future in your mind — imagining life together once everything is “sorted.”
But before you let your heart run ahead of reality, it’s important to stop and take a deeper look at the situation.
The Truth About “He’s Leaving Her”
It’s true — many marriages are in trouble. Some couples are emotionally disconnected, barely speaking to each other, living like roommates instead of partners. In such cases, it’s not uncommon for one person, often the man, to mentally check out of the relationship long before he physically leaves. He might spend less time at home, avoid confrontations, and seek peace or emotional connection somewhere else — maybe with you.
That might explain why he’s spending more time with you, calling often, opening up about his struggles, and even sharing intimate moments. It feels like you’re the safe space in his life. And maybe you are. But that doesn’t always mean you are the destination. Sometimes, you’re just the escape.
Hotel Rooms and Hidden Phones: Look at the Signs
When a relationship is kept secret, it’s easy to convince yourself that it’s only temporary. He says he’s just trying to sort out a few things, and that’s why you’re meeting in hotel rooms or hidden places. You believe him because it feels hopeful. You believe him because you want to.
But here’s something to consider: If you’re always the one waiting, always the one hiding, always the one with restricted access, ask yourself — why?
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Why are your calls only welcome at certain hours?
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Why does he answer your messages in private but pick up someone else’s calls in your presence?
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Why are you always the one told the truth, but his wife has to be lied to?
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Why does “home” never seem to include you?
These are not just coincidences. They are signs — patterns — and they speak louder than sweet promises whispered in the moment.
Not All Stories End the Same
Now, this is not to say that every man in an unhappy marriage who falls in love outside of it is lying. Some do leave. Some go through with separation or divorce and start a new life with the person they truly love. It happens. But it happens less often than most people hope.
The truth is, more times than not, the promises don’t lead to a new beginning — they simply keep someone stuck in a cycle of hope and waiting. And often, what seems like love is actually a temporary emotional or sexual release — not a lasting commitment.
Be Honest With Yourself
You are an adult. You can make your own choices. But whatever you choose to do, be honest with yourself. Don’t lie to yourself just because someone else is lying to others. Don’t build your life around promises that have no clear timeline or commitment behind them.
It’s okay to love. But love doesn’t mean you should lose your clarity, your standards, or your self-worth.
Ask Yourself: What Do I Really Want?
At some point, we all have to make decisions based on our unique situations. There’s no one-size-fits-all rule for relationships. But ask yourself:
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Do I want to be someone’s secret, or someone’s choice?
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Am I okay with hiding, waiting, and hoping for something uncertain?
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Is this relationship growing me, or keeping me stuck?
You deserve to be loved out loud. You deserve honesty. You deserve peace.
Whatever you decide, just make sure you’re not building your life on “maybe.” Be wise. Be careful. And most importantly, know what you’re doing — and why.
