“How I got here, I cannot clearly say but what I feel is clear enough. I enjoy being here but then how can I feel this connected to another man, I am married? Yet, I wonder, how can a feeling this beautiful be so wrong.
Marriage came with a lot of promise but I’d be lying if I said the spark is still there.”
But then, how do you admit that you’d rather be with another? One maybe even married to another. It defies logic but of course there’s nothing logical about the emotions you feel.
All of a sudden, the buzz is in you, you feel alive again, every message excites you as it comes with a promise of sweetness and giggles reminding that you’re cared for and that you care too.
Every call, every word spoken satisfying a need, yet creating a hunger, lust and need for more…..a touch, every touch, a million sensations worthy.
“I shouldn’t be here, I know. Yet, as I read this, it’s strangely accurate and scary how it describes me.
A part of me wants to do better but I wonder if anyone can understand without judging me. I wanted good in marriage but neglect, lack of attraction, lack of time and difference in ideologies have ensured it’s a struggle. To talk is to be a nag “what are you complaining about?”
What do I do?
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You want to know how you got here, why you are still here and how to move on.
Unfortunately though, the mind sometimes loves it ‘here’ and just wants to stay.
The message above feels like you because I understand, which means you can get assistance on how to go about it.
Reach out for professional help where you have access to one. At least that way, you are able to let it out without fear or judgement. Enough of smiling to cover tears, fears and loneliness.
Behind the curtains, we all are not perfect.
