I never imagined I would find myself in this kind of situation. If you had asked me years ago, I would have said it’s impossible. I believed in loyalty, in marriage, in staying true no matter what. I thought that love was simple if you gave your all. I thought that doing the right thing was always enough to keep a relationship strong.
But life doesn’t always play out the way we expect.
Somehow, I found myself drawn to someone who isn’t my spouse. The connection was instant. Strong. Deep. Comforting. Beautiful, even. It wasn’t just attraction — it was the kind of emotional connection I had longed for but never fully received in my marriage. And yet, both of us are married. Both of us have vows to someone else.
This is where the guilt starts to creep in. I know I shouldn’t be here. I know what the world would say. But I also know what it feels like to be genuinely seen — to laugh without trying, to be heard without needing to shout, to feel safe in someone’s presence without begging for their attention. That’s what this person gives me. That’s what I’ve been missing for so long.
You see, I didn’t go looking for this. I gave my best to my marriage. I stayed faithful. I tried to make it work. I asked, I waited, I hoped. But how long can a person wait for love that never shows up? How many nights can someone go to sleep feeling emotionally abandoned? Marriage, for me, became a place of pleading — begging for attention, for care, for time, for love that should have been freely given.
I used to judge people in situations like mine. I would think, “How could they?” But now I realize — it’s not always about being reckless. Sometimes it’s about being empty for too long.
I’ve tried to stop this new connection. Believe me, I have. There are days I feel ashamed, full of guilt and confusion. Then there are other days when I allow myself to feel happy again — to enjoy being with someone who truly notices me, who understands me without words.
It’s a constant war inside. I want to do what’s right, but I also want to feel loved. I want to honor my vows, but I also want to feel alive. I want to walk away, but I don’t know how to give up the first real affection I’ve felt in years.
Is it wrong to want someone who sees you, listens to you, cares for you deeply? I ask myself that a lot.
The truth is, I’m confused. I’m stuck between right and real. Between duty and desire. Between what I should feel and what I actually feel.
And who do you talk to about something like this without being judged? Who do you tell that you’re hurting inside while everyone thinks your marriage is just fine? People see the surface, but they don’t see the loneliness. They don’t see the effort that’s been ignored. They don’t see the longing that turned into quiet desperation.
This isn’t about being selfish or careless. It’s about being human.
To anyone out there who feels the same — torn between loyalty and love, between what is expected and what is emotionally real — know that you’re not alone. These situations are messy, painful, and full of contradictions. But feeling conflicted doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you someone who still wants love to feel the way it should — warm, honest, and mutual.
Maybe the answers aren’t easy. Maybe they will take time. But if nothing else, you deserve to be honest — with yourself and eventually with others.
You deserve to be seen. And you deserve to heal.
