When it comes to relationships and marriage, many people think that being deeply religious is all they need. They fast, pray, and attend religious events regularly—and while that’s beautiful and important—it’s not everything. Unfortunately, some find this out too late, after years of frustration, confusion, and missed opportunities.
Let’s be honest: being religious is a strong foundation, but a house still needs walls, windows, and a roof. In other words, while religion can guide and sustain a marriage, it cannot replace communication, character, social skills, emotional intelligence, or basic respect.
1. Being Rude Isn’t Being Righteous
Some individuals, both men and women, think that because they are religious, they can act however they want, especially when it comes to approaching a potential spouse. Some sisters, for example, can be so sharp-tongued and unkind in their words that they drive people away without even realizing it. Yet, those they might label as “less religious” are the ones entering peaceful and happy unions, week after week.
Brothers are not left out either. Some of them act like proposing marriage to a woman is the same as picking up groceries. They slide into a stranger’s messages with marriage proposals, without even saying a proper hello. How can you want to marry someone you’ve never even spoken to or taken time to understand?
Imagine receiving a message that says:
“As-salamu alaykum sister, I love you so much and I want to marry you like Prophet X married Lady Y.”
While the intention might be good, the approach is completely wrong. Marriage proposals shouldn’t feel like a shock or joke. Respect and wisdom matter, especially when trying to build something as serious and sacred as marriage.
2. We Need to Be Taught Better
Let’s face it: no one really sat down to teach us how to communicate effectively, how to show interest respectfully, or how to carry ourselves with maturity when seeking a life partner. And because of that, many are simply guessing, copying what they’ve seen online, or imitating outdated ideas that no longer work.
Some might ask, “So what now? Should we start teaching people how to ask someone out again?”
Yes, actually. We should. Not necessarily with a script, but with guidance, maturity, and understanding of proper manners, emotional sensitivity, and good timing.
3. Basic Etiquette Matters
Some small things can leave a big impression—either good or bad. For instance, hygiene and physical presentation matter. You don’t have to wear a designer outfit, but smelling like garlic soup while trying to have a serious conversation won’t help anyone.
Simple manners like saying “please,” “thank you,” being patient, not interrupting people, and speaking with kindness can go a long way. These are not just cultural niceties—they are signs of emotional intelligence, something that is very important in any relationship.
4. Balance Religiousness with Real-Life Skills
Yes, religion teaches us many beautiful values—patience, loyalty, forgiveness, and honesty—but if we do not learn how to interact with others or understand their feelings, we might come across as harsh, arrogant, or even ignorant.
Sisters, sometimes brothers may not know how to approach you properly because no one ever taught them. Be kind, even if you’re not interested. And brothers, please take the time to learn how to approach someone respectfully. Don’t reduce the seriousness of marriage to a random message online.
5. Marriage is More Than a Proposal—It’s a Lifetime Partnership
Marriage isn’t a reward for being religious. It’s a journey that requires emotional maturity, commitment, adaptability, and kindness. If your only preparation for marriage is praying and fasting, then you may find yourself struggling with the realities of day-to-day life with another human being.
Learn about communication, problem-solving, managing finances, and handling disagreements peacefully. These are as important as learning religious rulings.
Conclusion: Broaden Your Understanding
Yes, religiousness will help your marriage last. It teaches values that are essential for a strong foundation. But it is not enough by itself. If you’re looking for a successful relationship or a lasting marriage, it’s time to grow in every area—spiritually, emotionally, socially, and mentally.
Don’t just be religious—be wise, be kind, be respectful, and be teachable. That’s what makes someone truly ready for love and marriage.
