Women want husbands who are capable and willing to take responsibility in different areas of family life. Even where a woman is strong and capable, she doesn’t want to carry everything alone because marriage involves having a partner you can depend on.
Unfortunately, many African marriages are currently struggling with this, with others headed in that direction.
A woman wakes up and realizes the emotional connection with her husband has weakened – not because of infidelity, but because the partnership has become unbalanced. He feels more like a roommate than a life partner.
The Financial Reality
Money is often cited as a major issue, and in African contexts, this is particularly complex. Extended family expectations, cultural obligations (weddings, funerals, family support), and economic pressures mean financial strain affects marriages differently here. A man struggling financially while also supporting extended family can feel overwhelmed, while a wife managing everything alone can feel abandoned.
However, it’s rarely just about money. It’s about effort, initiative, and partnership.
Beyond Money: The Everyday Things That Matter
There are crucial responsibilities that require no money:
- Actively parenting your children, not just “helping” the mother
- Taking initiative in household decisions and tasks
- Planning quality time together
- Engaging in meaningful conversations
- Showing emotional presence and support
- Handling issues with extended family
- Being present at important family and community events
In many African contexts, men may feel these tasks threaten their masculinity, but modern marriages require partnership.
The Reality of African Marriages
In many African homes, women are already managing multiple roles – career, household, children, extended family obligations, and often contributing financially. When a husband becomes passive or disengaged, it creates exhaustion and resentment.
The issue isn’t just about money, though financial provision remains important culturally. It’s about effort, initiative, and shared responsibility. A man who waits for his wife to manage everything – from finances to parenting to emotional labor – will eventually watch her attraction fade.
What women need:
- A partner who takes initiative, not just follows orders
- Someone who anticipates needs, not just responds when asked repeatedly
- A man who contributes actively to the home, children, and relationship
- Leadership that involves collaboration, not just commands
The reality many African women face:
- Shouldering most domestic and emotional labor while also working
- Partners who view household tasks as “women’s work”
- Men who provide financially but are absent in parenting and emotional connection
- Or conversely, men who neither provide financially nor participate in home management
What often gets missed: True partnership means both people lead in different areas based on their strengths, circumstances, and seasons of life. Leadership isn’t about always being in charge – it’s about being present, engaged, and taking initiative where needed.
The solution isn’t about one person “following” 70% of the time. It’s about both partners being actively engaged, communicating, and sharing the load of building a life together.
