Sometimes marriages drift so slowly that we don’t notice until we’re strangers living under the same roof. If you’re feeling this distance, perhaps these words can help you reach across the divide.
Hey love,
What happened to us?
We used to be able to talk—really talk. We used to play together, laugh together, do things together. We used to be friends. How did we get here?
Words that once overflowed with the thickness of a forest are now empty like a desert. The morning greetings, when they do come, arrive in the most formal manner. No smile. Sometimes no response at all.
I see your straight face and put up mine, but deep inside I am hurt.
I don’t know if there’s still something inside of you that these words of mine can reach. But if such a place exists, please stay open so that I can reach you.
Know also that I am open. You can reach me too.
We’ve Tried Before
Yes, I know we’ve tried and failed a few times. That’s testament to our human flaws—wanting it all back at the snap of a finger, expecting immediate restoration of what took years to build and months to damage.
Darling, we have both been hurt. We grow apart with each passing day. The distance widens. The silence deepens. The walls get higher.
But let us be gentle now. Let us take gentle steps back toward each other, beginning with this moment.
What I Want
I want this—us—to work.
I care not who is at fault anymore. Blame doesn’t matter. Scorekeeping doesn’t help. Pride won’t save us.
I just want to have us back. The friendship. The connection. The partnership. All we’ve built together, which is now fading fast away even in memory.
I want us to remember why we chose each other. Why we promised forever. Why we believed we could face anything together.
My Hand Is Stretched
My hand is stretched, darling.
Please take it and walk this journey with me again. Not the old journey where we ended up here, but a new one. One where we take on our challenges together as a team. One where we face our problems united instead of allowing them to divide us.
One where we win—not over each other, but together, over the distance that’s tried to destroy us.
I love you. I miss you. I miss us.
Can we try again?
How to Use This Letter
If you’re reading this and feeling the ache of distance in your own marriage, this letter is for you. You can use it in several ways:
Share It Directly
Send this to your spouse. Sometimes borrowed words express what our own hearts struggle to articulate. There’s no shame in using someone else’s words to build a bridge.
Adapt It to Your Situation
Take the essence and rewrite it in your own voice. Add specific memories. Include personal details. Make it uniquely yours while maintaining the spirit of vulnerability and invitation.
Use It as a Conversation Starter
Print it out. Leave it somewhere your spouse will find it. Or simply say, “I read something today that expressed exactly how I’m feeling. Can I share it with you?”
Reflect on It Personally
Even if you’re not ready to share it with your spouse, use it to clarify your own feelings. Ask yourself: Do I want to rebuild this connection? Am I willing to be vulnerable? Can I let go of who’s at fault?
The Power of Vulnerability
This letter works because it’s vulnerable without being accusatory. It expresses hurt without assigning blame. It invites reconnection without demanding it.
Marriage counselors consistently emphasize that genuine reconnection requires both partners to lower their defenses simultaneously. Someone has to be brave enough to go first.
Maybe that someone is you.
If You’re the One Receiving This
If your spouse has shared something like this with you, recognize the courage it took. They’ve extended their hand across the distance. They’ve made themselves vulnerable to potential rejection.
You don’t have to have all the answers immediately. You don’t have to pretend everything is fine. But you can acknowledge their effort.
A simple response: “I received your message. I need time to think, but I appreciate you reaching out” opens the door without forcing yourself through it before you’re ready.
For Those Hurting in Silence
If you don’t need this letter for yourself, consider sharing it. You never know who in your circle is hurting in silence, longing for words to express what they’re feeling but unable to find them.
It costs you nothing to help someone else find a bridge back to their spouse.
Social media makes it easy to share pain and complaints. Make it just as easy to share hope and healing.
The Choice Ahead
Every marriage experiencing distance faces a choice: drift further apart or fight to reconnect.
Both paths are difficult. Distance is painful but familiar. Reconnection is hopeful but requires vulnerability and risk.
But only one path leads to the marriage you dreamed of when you said “I do.”
Your hand is stretched toward your spouse. The question is: will they take it? And if not today, will you keep it extended?
Sometimes love means being brave enough to reach first. Sometimes it means being patient enough to wait. Sometimes it means being strong enough to try again after failure.
Your marriage is worth the risk. Your connection is worth fighting for. The friendship you once had is worth rebuilding.
Start today. Start with vulnerability. Start with this letter or your own version of it.
Start with reaching across the distance, one gentle step at a time.
If this letter resonated with you, share it with someone who might need it. And if you’re the one who needs it, may you find the courage to extend your hand today.
Peace.
