After I got married, I knew the task ahead was going to be challenging and I was determined to give it my all. My father in law gave me his favorite child and there was no way I was going to make him regret that.
GIVE YOUR PARTNER TIME TO CHANGE
The first task – finish the work my father in law started.
That was my first mistake because in trying to do that, even though it was with the best of intentions, I drifted and became too rigid and tough.
I didn’t realise that being a parent wasn’t the same as being a partner (even though I had never been a parent then and I barely just became a partner)
In the name of tough love, I became a dictator without realising it and drove joy away from the home to be replaced with tension. I felt if I loved her truly I should expect the highest standards of her, forgetting that not only would that take time and patience, it would take dedication from me, so the wars started.
“Don’t put that there”, “don’t cook this like that”, “don’t open the door”, “don’t do this”, “don’t do that”.
“My Love for you is true” became “Love cannot be this stressful”.
To me it seemed she deliberately wanted not to do what I wanted, to her I deliberately wanted to make an issue of everything.
This situation still exists in many homes especially with young couples.
How did we get better?
With time, I realised that Love came with patience and it seemed like I wasn’t being patient enough. I found a way to dig deep and accept that even though the intentions were very good, I wouldn’t be able to implement everything on her, and some would take long to achieve. Telling myself this started me on a journey to self growth. I now know that if I try one way and it doesn’t work, I need not raise the tension, I only need to raise my approach by digging deep for another route.
It took a whole lifetime to make your partner, it will take more than a few years and a few tries from you to effect all the changes you desire.
Be patient, be consistent and never give up, your partner is not stubborn like no other, just being themselves. Give it time.
Credit: Shamseddin Giwa
