When I got married, I thought I was doing everything right. I saw myself as the caring, romantic, and supportive type of husband. I loved my wife deeply, provided for my family, and tried to lead with confidence. So it came as a surprise one day when a close friend quietly pulled me aside and said, “You’re a bit too harsh with your wife.”
At first, I was shocked. Me? Harsh? I wanted to argue with him and say he didn’t understand our marriage. I wanted to defend myself, maybe even walk away from the conversation altogether. But deep down, something about what he said stuck with me.
Opening the Door to Truth
Later that day, I called my wife. I didn’t just ask her if I was being harsh. I realized that if she truly felt that way, it might be hard for her to say it honestly. She might be afraid of hurting me or afraid of how I would react.
So instead, I started by telling her what my friend had said. I explained that I wasn’t angry—I just wanted to know the truth. I told her I wanted to grow and be a better husband, and I asked her to share how she really felt, even if it was hard to say.
And that moment changed everything.
She opened up. She didn’t accuse me of being cruel or unloving, but she did point out certain behaviors that hurt her or made her feel small. Things I had never noticed. Things I thought were normal. But to her, they mattered.
Learning and Growing Together
That conversation became a turning point in our marriage. I didn’t try to defend myself. I listened. And from that day, I became more intentional about how I spoke, how I listened, and how I led in our home.
It wasn’t always easy, but our relationship became stronger because of it. We understood each other more deeply. We respected each other’s voice more. And most importantly, we both started growing in love, not just as husband and wife, but as partners and friends.
The Mistake Many Men Make
Looking back now, I realize that many men walk into marriage without truly understanding what it means to be a husband. Society shows us images of strength and control. We grow up thinking a man should lead by being the loudest voice, the final decision-maker, and the person who is never wrong.
We think apologizing makes us weak. We think admitting fault will take away our authority. And in trying to be strong, we sometimes become cold, demanding, and difficult to live with. Not because we are bad people—but because we don’t know better.
Sadly, this is how many good men, with the best intentions, slowly become the kind of husbands they never wanted to be.
What Being a Husband Really Means
Being a husband is more than just providing or making decisions. It’s a position of leadership—but not the kind that dominates. It’s the kind that lifts others up.
A good husband leads with love. He listens. He supports. He inspires. He builds his wife and children up, helps them grow, and makes space for their voices to be heard.
A true leader in the home doesn’t always have to be right. In fact, he knows that growth comes from learning—even from those he leads. He understands that love is not about control, but about partnership.
Why We Need Guidance
The truth is, many of us were never taught how to be husbands. No one sat us down and showed us what a healthy marriage looks like. So we figure it out through trial and error—often with our wives paying the price for our learning curve.
This is why premarital counselling is so important. It gives us the tools, the understanding, and the right mindset before stepping into such a big responsibility. It helps us prepare, not just for the wedding, but for the long journey of building a life together.
Final Thoughts
If you’re a husband reading this, or preparing to become one, take a moment to reflect. Not on what your wife is doing wrong, but on what you could do better. Ask, not with pride, but with humility. Listen, not to respond, but to understand.
And if you’re a wife reading this, create a safe space for your husband to grow. Sometimes, he doesn’t know how to say what he feels. Sometimes, he’s trying, even if it doesn’t show the way you expect.
Marriage is a journey, and both partners have a role to play. But it all starts with the willingness to grow—and the courage to ask the hard questions.
Because becoming a better husband doesn’t start with being perfect.
It starts with being open.
