Marriage is a partnership built on mutual respect, love, and value. It should never feel like a charity project where one person believes they are doing the other a favour by agreeing to marry them. If you pay close attention, you can often spot this unhealthy dynamic early — through their tone of voice, choice of words, actions, reactions, the way they reference you in conversations, and how they treat you both in private and in public.
While it’s important to marry someone who brings value into your life, it’s equally crucial that you are valued too. True value begins with yourself: building your own confidence, character, and self-worth. When you know your value, you’re better equipped to recognise when you are not being treated properly.
Be cautious if you notice patterns like:
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They shut you up, shut you down, or shut you out.
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They dismiss your ideas and belittle your contributions.
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They make you feel like your existence is insignificant.
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They insist on always having the final say.
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They constantly one-up your experiences with their own problems.
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They frequently reference the “favors” they’ve done for you.
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They demean, insult, or belittle you or your family.
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They show no appreciation or acknowledgment of your efforts.
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They act ashamed of you or treat you as a burden.
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They lose their temper at you without control.
If these signs are already present before marriage, don’t fool yourself into thinking they will magically disappear afterward. These behaviors, if left unaddressed, only deepen with time and can erode your happiness and self-esteem.
You are empowered to protect yourself from emotional harm. Recognise the red flags, set your standards, and choose a relationship where love, respect, and mutual admiration are at the center — not one where gratitude is expected simply for being chosen.
Help yourself by choosing wisely. You deserve a marriage built on partnership, not pity.
