Don’t Let Social Media Destroy What Your Ancestors Built: Reclaiming African Marriage Values

After scrolling through social media for 5 minutes, you will see this message: “Leave me alone, sis.” “You deserve better.” “Know your worth, Mistress.” “He’s not the only human being on earth.”

These mantras have become the gospel of modern relationships, especially among young Africans who rely on Western relationship advice that goes against everything our culture has taught us for generations.

What’s the result?

Marriages are breaking up at an alarming rate across Africa. Unions that would have lasted decades in our parents’ time have lasted only a year now. Don’t be tempted by twisted social media stories to throw away something beautiful in the name of pride, ego, or “deserving better.”

The Untold Stories of Marriage

Social media has created a distorted reality about relationships. Every broken marriage gets amplified. Every divorce is celebrated as “freedom.” Every person who leaves is praised for “choosing themselves.”

But here’s what you rarely see on social media: The many good stories of marriage that remain untold.

You don’t see:

The couple who weathered financial storms and came out stronger
The wife who forgave infidelity and rebuilt a better marriage
The husband who changed his ways when confronted with truth
The families that stuck together through illness, loss, and hardship
The ordinary couples who chose commitment over convenience

These stories don’t go viral. They don’t get likes and shares. But they represent the reality of what marriage actually is—a choice to fight for something beautiful, even when it’s difficult.

How Western Culture Is Destroying African Marriages

In the past two to three decades, something fundamental has shifted in how Africans approach marriage.

Our Cultural and Natural Ways

Traditionally, African marriages were built on:

Community involvement: Extended families played active roles in supporting marriages
Long-term commitment: Marriage was for life, not until it got difficult
Practical problem-solving: Issues were addressed within the marriage, not by running away
Respect for elders: Older, wiser voices guided younger couples through challenges
Collective responsibility: Marriage was seen as uniting families, not just individuals
Patience and endurance: Understanding that all marriages go through seasons

The Western Influence We’ve Adopted

Now, many Africans have adopted Western individualism:

“Do what makes YOU happy” – with no regard for family or commitment
“You don’t owe anyone anything” – destroying the concept of marital duty
“Leave at the first red flag” – as if perfect people exist
“Prioritize yourself always” – making selfishness a virtue
“Your feelings are always valid” – even when they’re destructive
“You deserve better” – without defining what “better” actually means

These Western values are totally against our original roots, and they’re making our marriages no longer lasting.

The One-Year Marriage Epidemic

The statistics are alarming: Many marriages in Africa today don’t even last a year.

Think about that. Our grandparents stayed married for 40, 50, 60 years. Our parents, despite their struggles, often made it decades. But this current generation? Some marriages collapse before the first anniversary.

What changed?

It wasn’t that our ancestors married perfect people. It wasn’t that they had easier lives—in fact, they faced hardships we can’t imagine.

What changed is our willingness to fight for what we have.

The Simple Key: Fight for What You Love

The solution to the marriage crisis isn’t complicated:

We have to fight for what we love and complain about things we need to change.

Notice the two parts of this statement:

Part 1: Fight for What You Love

Fighting for your marriage means:

Choosing to stay when leaving feels easier
Working through problems instead of running from them
Believing in the potential of your union
Remembering why you chose this person
Refusing to let external voices destroy your home

Part 2: Complain About What Needs to Change

This doesn’t mean silent suffering. It means:

Communicating clearly about issues
Addressing problems directly with your spouse
Seeking help when needed (elders, counselors, trusted advisors)
Being honest about what’s not working
Working together toward solutions

You don’t have to accept everything, but you do have to commit to working through things.

When Complaints Are Taken for Granted

Here’s a common pattern destroying modern African marriages:

A wife or husband raises legitimate concerns. Maybe he’s not present enough. Maybe she’s disrespectful. Maybe finances are being mismanaged. Maybe intimacy has dried up.

The partner hears the complaint but does nothing. Why? Because social media and friends have convinced them:

“If they really loved you, they wouldn’t complain”
“You’re a catch—they should be grateful”
“There are plenty of fish in the sea”
“Don’t let anyone pressure you to change”

The complaining spouse eventually gives up. Not because the problem is solved, but because they’re exhausted from being ignored.

Then comes the separation or divorce. And suddenly, the person who took their spouse for granted realizes what they’ve lost.

The Lie That You’ll Find Someone Better

Let’s address the most dangerous lie that social media sells:

“You’re beautiful/handsome. You’ll find someone better.”

This advice sounds empowering. It feels good to hear. And it’s destroying lives across Africa.

The Reality Check

Here’s what they don’t tell you:

95% of people who leave relationships thinking they’ll find better end up suffering. They discover that:

The new person has different problems
“Better” is subjective and often an illusion
Genuine connection is rare
Starting over is exhausting
The grass isn’t actually greener

Many cannot even have a single minute of pure happiness after leaving because they’re haunted by:

Regret over what they threw away
The reality that no one is perfect
Loneliness that no amount of attention can fill
The realization that they left someone who genuinely loved them

The Truth About “Someone Better”

Yes, there are cases where leaving is necessary—abuse, chronic infidelity, abandonment. But for most marriages facing normal struggles?

There is no “someone better” waiting. There’s only someone different, with different problems.

The person who:

Listens to you when your husband doesn’t
Compliments you when your wife doesn’t
Makes you feel special when your spouse doesn’t

…is showing you their BEST behavior. They’re not dealing with:

Your bad moods
Your financial stress
Your family drama
Your daily reality

Your spouse knows all of you and chose to marry you anyway. That’s worth more than you realize.

What Our Forefathers Knew

Our ancestors understood something that this generation has forgotten:

Marriage is not about constant happiness. It’s about committed partnership through all of life’s seasons.

They knew:

There would be lean years and abundant years
Attraction would ebb and flow
Conflicts would arise and need resolution
External pressures would test the union
Children would bring both joy and stress
Health would sometimes fail
Financial challenges would come

And they stayed anyway.

Not because they were weak or oppressed, but because they understood that real love is a choice you make daily, not a feeling that sustains itself.

Building Real Relationships Like Our Forefathers

What can we learn from how our ancestors approached marriage?

1. Community Support

They didn’t isolate their marriages. Extended family, elders, and community members provided support, wisdom, and accountability.

Modern application: Stop isolating your marriage. Seek counsel from wise, married elders—not single friends on social media.

2. Long-Term Thinking

They didn’t evaluate marriage based on how they felt that week. They thought in terms of decades and legacy.

Modern application: When problems arise, ask “Can this be fixed?” not “How do I feel right now?”

3. Practical Problem-Solving

They addressed issues directly and practically, without dramatizing everything.

Modern application: Solve problems like adults. Communicate. Negotiate. Compromise. Work together.

4. Respect for the Institution

They honored marriage as sacred, not disposable.

Modern application: Treat your marriage with the seriousness it deserves. Don’t let casual advice from casual people destroy something sacred.

5. Gender Partnership

Men and women had defined roles that complemented each other, creating functional households.

Modern application: Instead of competing, find your rhythm as partners. Play to each other’s strengths.

The Role of Social Media in Marriage Destruction

Social media is not neutral. It’s actively destroying African marriages through:

Unrealistic Comparisons

You see other people’s highlight reels and compare them to your behind-the-scenes struggles. This breeds discontentment.

Toxic Advice from Unqualified People

Singles giving marriage advice. Divorced people encouraging others to leave. People projecting their pain onto your situation.

Celebration of Breakups

Every divorce is framed as empowerment. Every separation is applauded. Commitment is mocked as “settling.”

Constant Validation Seeking

Instead of working on your marriage, you post about your problems and receive hundreds of comments telling you to leave.

Exposure to Temptation

Social media provides easy access to old flames, new attractions, and emotional affairs that undermine your marriage.

If you want your marriage to survive, you must limit social media’s influence on it.

When Fighting for Your Marriage Makes Sense

How do you know if your marriage is worth fighting for? Ask these questions:

Is there abuse? If yes, prioritize safety. But if no, most other issues can be addressed.
Is your spouse willing to work on problems? If they’re open to change, there’s hope.
Is there still a foundation of respect? Even if love feels weak, mutual respect can rebuild it.
Are you both committed to the marriage? If you both want it to work, it can.
Can you imagine a better future together? If yes, work toward it.

If you answered yes to most of these questions, your marriage is worth fighting for—regardless of what social media says.

A Message to Modern African Couples

You are standing at a crossroads.

One path leads back to the wisdom of your ancestors—commitment, community, endurance, and building something lasting.

The other path leads toward Western individualism—disposable relationships, endless searching for “better,” and the loneliness that comes with prioritizing self above all.

The choice is yours, but the consequences will affect not just you, but your children and your children’s children.

Rebuilding What’s Been Lost

If your marriage is struggling:

Stop listening to social media relationship “experts”
Seek counsel from successful married couples in your community
Communicate honestly with your spouse about what needs to change
Give your marriage the same effort you gave to dating
Remember: perfection doesn’t exist, but partnership does
Fight for what you have before looking for what you don’t

Final Thoughts

There are many good stories of marriage untold. Your story could be one of them—if you choose to fight for it.

Don’t let pride, ego, or the illusion of “deserving more” make you throw away something beautiful.

Your grandparents didn’t divorce at the first difficulty. Your great-grandparents didn’t give up when times got hard. They built legacies. They created families. They modeled commitment.

You come from that lineage. That strength is in your DNA.

It’s time to reclaim it.

Stop scrolling. Start building. Stop comparing. Start communicating. Stop leaving. Start loving intentionally.

The marriage you save might be the one that changes your entire family’s trajectory.

Don’t let social media destroy what your ancestors built.