Marriage is often seen as a promise that lasts forever—a dream of love, companionship, and shared life. Like many others, I walked into mine with hope, plans, and faith that it would last. I believed I had found my person. But what happens when the person you marry turns out to be unwilling to grow or meet you halfway? What do you do when the relationship becomes a one-sided struggle?
Looking back, I sometimes wonder if it could have been avoided. Were there signs I missed? Could I have walked away before saying “I do”? These questions swirl in my mind, but the truth is—despite everything—I wanted it to work. I tried. I gave it my best. Still, the marriage didn’t survive.
Now I find myself alone. And as much as I hate to admit it, I feel lonely. I thought ending the marriage would bring peace and freedom, but the reality is more complex. There’s an emptiness that creeps in, especially in the quiet moments. I’m scared to even say it out loud: I am lonely.
There are nights when I cry myself to sleep, trying to soothe my own aching heart. Taking a long bath doesn’t always help. The longing for physical closeness—the touch, the warmth, the intimacy—doesn’t just disappear. Sometimes I think about using sxx toys, and then feel ashamed of even having those thoughts. It’s hard to accept how life has shifted so drastically. How did I become this version of myself?
And then there are the suitors. The men who approach you as though being divorced makes you desperate or easy. Some don’t even bother hiding their assumptions. They think you’re “damaged goods,” and they come with disrespect disguised as attention. They assume you’re broken, lonely, and craving affection. And what’s worse—sometimes, in your most vulnerable moments—you almost believe them. You begin to question yourself. Maybe I should give in? Maybe this is what I deserve now?
But no. That’s not true. It’s the pain talking. It’s the wound that hasn’t fully healed yet.
There’s bitterness. There’s sadness. There are moments when I question God. Why me? Why didn’t it work, even though I tried to be a good partner? I followed the rules, I loved, I forgave, I endured. Where did it go wrong? Still, I ask for forgiveness—for the mistakes I made, the anger I feel, the bitterness I’m trying to release.
All I ever wanted was someone to share life with. Someone who could be mine, not just in name, but in spirit. A true partner. Not perfection, just commitment. Not riches, just loyalty. Not grand gestures, just honest love.
I left a marriage that brought more pain than peace, hoping that healing and happiness would follow. But the road has been harder than I imagined. And yet, deep inside, I still believe in love. I still believe that companionship is possible. That I am worthy of a relationship built on mutual respect, real connection, and emotional safety.
Is that really too much to ask?
To anyone reading this who feels the same—you are not alone. Your story matters. Your heart can still find joy. Healing isn’t a straight line, and neither is love. But don’t lose yourself in the pain. You are not defined by your past, your divorce, or your mistakes. You are still whole, still beautiful, and still capable of loving and being loved in the way you truly deserve.
