Ever heard of a quote; “Heal the root so the tree is stable. I’m so proud of us,” – Mandi
Mark Williams, a licensed therapist who works with the relationship-coaching app Relish, says that before you get back together with an ex, you should think about what will be different going forward.
He said that whether or not you and your ex can get back together depends on whether or not each of you has solved the problems that caused your relationship to end in the first place.
“If you want to try to get back together with the person, you have to ask yourself why it didn’t work the first time.” Williams told Insider so.
If you and your ex want a chance to make things work, you need to talk about what went wrong in the past.
According to Williams, you and your ex need to have an honest conversation about what went wrong in the relationship, and explain how each of you worked to better yourselves since the breakup to prevent problems from reoccurring in subsequent relationships. This is necessary if you do not want to fall into the same relationship problems you did the first time around.
According to Williams, couples that break up or get into arguments frequently have incompatible communication styles and never learn how to relate to each other in a way that is constructive.
“When you start looking at it, it seems like [each partner is] trying to win the argument, and neither one is listening to the other, or trying to understand, or coming to some resolution because they’re both so invested in their own side,” he said. “In many cases, when you start looking at it, it’s like [each partner is] trying to win the argument.”
According to Williams, exes who are thinking about getting back together should take into consideration a number of factors before doing so, including the former partner’s history of cheating, addiction issues, sentiments of envy and anger, and so on.
“If two people love each other and they both are committed to making things work, to changing, or to working on their own individual issues, there’s a good chance that they could work things out,” said Williams, “but I believe that each person has to take responsibility for whatever their part was” in the initial breakup. “If two people love each other and they both are committed to making things work, to changing, or to working on their own individual issues,” said Williams, “there’s a good chance that they could work
You might also consider reading: Five very valid reasons to reunite with an ex
Make sure you want to get back together with your ex because of what they bring to your life, not because you’re lonely.
Williams said that people often get back together with an ex because it feels good.
He said that if you’re thinking about getting back together with your ex, it’s important to know why you want to.
Williams said, “Sometimes it’s hard to date, and you think you’re comfortable with that person, or maybe it’s easier to get back with that person than to try something new.”
So, you need to ask yourself if you’re in that group or if your ex gave you something special that you don’t want to lose.
Williams said that if you don’t know how to figure out this difference on your own, talking to a third party can help.
“Talking to friends and family can be helpful sometimes. They might notice things you don’t, “Williams said, adding that someone could also talk to a therapist.